I'm sorry, dear, but it's impossible. I can't pretend we're friends when my entire being is aching to hold you and tell you I love you every time we meet. Sooner or later, we will have to make a decision. It's either things change and we take things to a new level, or we end this tense relationship.
You're still the most wonderful person in the world to me, so patient, kind and always loving in your own special way. But I love you in a different way. You distance yourself and keep telling me we can't be together. I don't see why not. But there's really nothing I can do.
You know I need you as my friend and helper, as you've helped me over everything. But I think it's time for me to face the fact that I grow wearier when I think of far you are from me. I cannot live with this kind of estrangement. I try to forget you, I really do, but it doesn't work that way. I want you as my partner but if that's impossible, then I need to stop seeing you because this one-sided dependence is too confusing to handle with everything else.
At the same time, I know you're so important to me as a friend as well, or confidante, or any other name that says you've always helped me back on my feet. I know it gets tiring after some time, I know because everyone else - myself included - can't bear to listen to another breakdown or long-strung days of emptiness and pain. I always tell you everything, but I don't know where I stand with you. Just friends , after all I've told you? After all you've done for me? It's unfathomable. If I'm on par with everyone else after all this, then I'd be deeply hurt because it feels like my arduous journey is unappreciated by the one person that's seen it most. If I'm special in some way because of all this, then tell me. Is it so hard? I feel that you love me when you say nice things to make the pain disappear, yet the barricade you place - it feels like disdain.
It's about changing myself for the better, if some feelings should be buried where they'll be lighter on both of us. Please tell me, soon, where I really stand, and what sort of friend I am in your heart.
Affectionately Yours,
BL
