Disbelief

I made it through. On half a JC education under a cloud of drowsy pills, I made it through when others didn't. An 'A' for a highly competitive subject and respectable grades for the rest.

But this is all there is. No fanfare, no big celebration, just a night out with xue wen. She means a lot to me, yes, but so do my other friends. But they were all busy. Army, relationships, internships overseas, theatre projects, personal issues - the reprieve I thought would come was an illusion, or maybe a delusion. I don't know.

I joined a cycling club and an ethics club. No friends there. They are all so old. All working adults. We have nothing to talk about, nothing personal. It's just 'hi' and 'bye'. I have no one to share my elation with, no one to tell me I've done well. I need someone to say this. I need someone to tell me that the light at the tunnel's end is full of affirming warmth, not just a cold, blind dazzle.

Nevermind...