Fuck

It's still so hard to compose myself. The spammer is back, harping on my NS exemption. It's irritating to say the least - to contend with his stupidity. That fellow is so much of a coward that he won't even leave his name, just some symbol. The MO warned me that discrimination might occure; I didn't expect it to occur so soon.

Then there's that bloody HR company, Recruit Express. I applied for a temp job and for days they didn't respond. I didn't even know if they got my application. All of a sudden they call today and ask me to turn up for an interview tomorrow. Guess what? My clothes aren't ready! What the hell...

My sharp reaction to this situation is what alarms me. All of a sudden I become flustered, frustrated, wrathful. I feel like destroying something - anything - just to vent it out. It angers me beyond reason, I could bear it until despondence joined wrath.

Somehow, it made me reflect on the past 2 years. I want this company to recognise me. I want Young & Rubicam and MINLAW to give me internships or suitable part-time offers. I want to succeed and today's fluster made me think of the 'f' word. No not the vulgar one, the one that lousy students are slapped with.

Now I'm bingeing on a bowl of cereal. I can't remember the last time I felt like bingeing, or drinking, but it all comes back in an instant. My mind is arrested and the words won't form. The lucid prose and cogent arguments dissipate with the post-exam euphoria that was still with me a day ago. It's just like 2008 - one day, in a flash, the cookie crumbles.

Fuck it, I hate being so fragile. I hate parents who don't believe in me. I hate the world.
Fuck you world. My misanthropy stands.