Enough

I've had it - I've had enough. For close to a month I've been searching for a temporary job. I've read books on interview processes; every point on the checklist has been followed even before I read it. I shake hands firmly, present a neat and cogent CV, dress smartly and talk confidently. The interviewers (all female for some reason) will smile with me, I'll make them laugh, I'll make them go 'wow' with my record and personality. I've had enough of this.

They always say they'll call but they never do. Every rejection wounds me more and more; makes me doubt my own self-worth. There used to be a Benjamin who'd confidently dismiss any failure and blame it on external factors without a thought. I've fallen a long way since then. Two hard years... now I blame every 'failing' on myself. I refuse to accept this self-sentence, rationalising that my person is not to blame for this. In plain fact, that is the truth - but it doesn't erase these feelings of inadequacy.

I've concluded another 2 interviews today in similar fashion. Both parties parted ways with a firm handshake and a smile. If they don't call, I won't look anymore. It's just not worth it. I am picky about the work I accept; a clerk-and-cashier type of job is a waste of time to me and the posts I agree to for interviews require initiative, meticulous research and critical thinking. I refuse to accept anything less. I am from Nanyang JC, I am a KI student, I am heading for Australia's Go8 - I deserve more than the mundane.

I will focus on reading for now, and riding my bicycle. I will work on my piano skills and karate. I will do all these and find a way to fill my time before I go to university. It's so much easier getting intelligent work once one falls under the undergraduate category, and even more so post-varsity.