There was this girl a at friend's party whom I found very captivating. On my 'happy' blog (is that a lie too?) I posted a few paragraphs describing my romantic fantasies. Then came two anonymous spammers who told me to stop "acting like shakespeare or a poet" and "it will never come true". I never thought it would come true, nor was I trying to 'act' like an artist. I wrote what I wrote because it was a beautiful dream to me, but it seems that some people read meaning where there is none. Why would they get so agitated over my imaginary persona?
I think they were her friends. These spammers said "she's older than you". So? The rest don't know my real age. But someone else said I needed to stop dreaming and "get back to school", which suggests that they know me. How is that possible? Or maybe they read my previous posts about school. In any case, I was surprised how sensitive I was to their sharp comments. I was surprised at my confrontational attitude towards the whole issue. If they said it to my face, I would've started an argument or disfigured them on the spot. I was calm enough to give a rational reply on the tagboard, but I wanted to strike them - even if they were girls.
(It is fallacious to expect gender equality while treasuring 'chivalrous' preferential treatment. If we are to be kind and loving, let it come from our faculties of love instead of some frivolous social contrivance.)
It looks like my past and my illness has scarred my self-esteem beyond repair. Being misunderstood, so wronged, is so... hurting. Tenacity, oh Jesus, please give me the strength to surpass my flaws and hone my strengths. Amen.
0 comments:
Post a Comment
Whisper