Sudden Depression

It happened just as my KI teacher left. I love the way he teaches. He will give me readings to analyse, keep on asking me questions, consistently pushing me higher and higher. When he left my place today, I suddenly fell - into a shallow but dark depression.

Perhaps I missed a pill last night, or perhaps it's because I didn't finish revising what I wanted to. It was sudden, shockingly sudden, and I'm disoriented by the sudden turn, the sudden change, as these convoluted lines reveal.

I'm happy that she was online. I was happy we talked. Some of you will know that I affectionately refer to her as Ms. Cricket. I gave her the name because I liked the crickets' song at night, a dark time that blurs the lines between tranquility and loneliness. I was... so alone last year. I felt trapped - imprisoned - by fate, by my home, by my own mind. Bereft of the rest sleep provides, I just haunted the world drifting from place to place...

That's why I loved her, thats why I still love her. I don't know if that love is merely the natural return for the love she gave me, or something of a different nature. I cannot handle romance now. I am not fit to hold someone's heart in my hands, hence I hope that no one has put theirs to my name. But I wish for love. I'm so screwed.

She will take bioscience or chemistry at NUS:

"i can picture u in a lab coat

a white 'gown' in a white room

filled with the queerest colours

with smoke like a misty rainbow"