suicide is painless

Who was I kidding. There's no way I can keep away from this blog. It exists as a mirror of my troubles and as long as those troubles continue to exist, so will this blog.

I don't want to do this anymore. It was never my fault, so why should I continue trying to right the wrongs I wrongly suffer. I can't sleep well, I can't write well, and some of my teachers are making things worse. Why should I keep fighting? Why should I keep trying? In the end, what does this all get me?

No, I don't want t- to what? Go on? Give up? Try to catch the precious broken shards of yesterday's dreams? I don't want to fight. What's there for me at the finishing line? There's no degree for the grades I'm scoring now and without it, life ends... so why wait?

Why why WHY?? Why was I put through this? Why was it all taken from me to begin with?

I want to put all my papers into a single pit and watch the flames dance happily on its blackening pages. Then I can say its truly over... Poor Ben Low, cracked all over, shards held together only by... what?

Mediocrity is a sin,

Ben Low has gone drinking.