Freeze

Despite the warm, indifferent sun that lights the world with the filaments of leaves and the clear sapphire of a swimming pool. A storm approaches with its drums of doom, and all the accompanying colours - or lack of it - loom on the horizon.

But still, I'm here - trapped! On days like these, days that follow on more days on isolation and ill rest, the home becomes a hovel though nothing has changed. I am bogged down by the anxiety of missing lessons, yet it would be greater still had I been in school, sitting in with drowsy incomprehension. I am bogged down with an inner turmoil craving release, a tumultuous depravity that nothing but the sigh of shoulders can express. I want to turn to someone for help, but then the request - the plea - would not condescend to fit the confines of language.

I would stay home and study, pretending that time and tide and people have frozen, that the sounds of traffic and passing of Apollo's chariot is nothing more than a myth. Perhaps it would've been easier if my subjects did not touch the very core of humanity, did not require the exploration of sentiment. Perhaps I wouldn't have to break the dam that holds back my troubles if I had taken something colder - like physics, or mathematics - at put a calculator in place of my heart, then I need not fear my studies... as much.

Each time life takes a turn reminiscent of the recent past, all the turmoil and pain of the previous year comes back in all its vivid horror. I pour these feelings out here as a record, as an expression, as a mode of release

as a plea

A veteran of my own war, still fighting to escape the ghosts of its experiences.