A Strange Lack

I love chilled pinkish apples straight from the fridge. Sweet and cool, the perfect thing to calm my hot impetuous self. While it lasts, I feel as if everything will be ok.

But there is a strange lack. Some of it I’ve mentioned, some of it I haven’t, still some I find hard to word. I plug the gap with food, but that doesn’t last. I distract myself with study and piano, but the feeling is only diminished, not dead. I’m dead, or at least it feels that way.

Adventure? A holiday? Spice in my life? Perhaps the spirit to do all that? Vibrancy, optimism, exuberance, liveliness – the things that make eyes smile and sparkle and lighten the heart, almost literally.

Is there a way to live beyond the A-levels, university, professional jobs and all? A way to live without losing one’s status and sense of place in this world? A way to live where the sun always rises in our hearts and countenance?

I clamour for pride of the straight and narrow while looking for ways to liven its drab. I remember Peachy, like the apple I described – only more mischievous, but always radiant. Maybe I need someone like her…

But these days, I’m too deep in my studies. Right?